Wally's Wacky Riddles
by DragonChild157
Summary: How does a young speedster get himself out of a bind? By asking a riddle of course! Now if only he can keep the team and the league from putting him in a straight jacket...
1. Chapter 1

Ok, credit for this wacky little one-shot (soon to be a two-shot when I get the time...) goes to my sister and one of her best friends. Said friend either created this riddle herself or heard it somewhere, and it is complete and utter _nonsense_. But, somewhere along the line, the idea was presented "Hey, what if...".

Let me tell you folks, you hear a statement like that, you run for the hills! Because it will be either the single greatest or worst idea ever tendered to a writer. I couldn't get the "What if.." out of my head and spent my whole flight home from Chattanooga writing this!

So here's to Jo and Rihana! For their riddle gave birth to this story and made me sleep deprived!

* * *

ENJOY!

* * *

The Riddler pointed at the team dramatically. "Kill them! Kill them all!"

Kaldur gave a tired sigh, resting his forehead against the bars of his cage. Sitting on the floor of the small cage around him were his teammates. All had been outfitted with inhibitor collars. All looked utterly miserable and or incredibly angry and frustrated.

How had it ever come to this?

The Atlantian quietly watched the Riddler as he came near, brandishing his cane as he called for their deaths. It was supposed to be a simple mission. Break into the better than average security systems on the old building that served as the headquarters of a new gang in Gotham, hack their computers, photograph their hard copy files, get a sample of whatever it was they were making in there, then get out and report to Batman.

They had no sooner gotten into the building, than things started to go wrong. It had started when Robin started hacking the system's firewall…

* * *

_Robin plugged the USB cord from his glove into the computer. _

_The little red Robin faces that stood in for his progress bar appeared, but rather than turning green like they usually did, his teammates were surprised to see the faces suddenly go black. Robin clicked a button on his holographic keyboard and they disappeared. _

_Streams of code began to scroll across his screen. _

_The boy wonder grinned. __**No go on the auto hack guys. **__He thought at them across the psychic link. __**Whoever set up these guy's firewall knew what they were doing. I'll have to hack it myself. **__He flexed his fingers and set to work. __**This shouldn't take long. **_

_Kaldur nodded. __**Split up into teams. Artemis. Wally. M'Gann. Find the records room and photograph them. Zatanna. You are with me. We will find their production room and take the samples Batman requested. Conner. Remain here. Keep watch for Robin. **__The teens nodded, though Conner clearly wanted action, not lookout duty. __**Go. **_

_They split up, each group following Robin's silent directions. __The boy wonder was earning his nickname, multitasking by simultaneously hacking the gangs computer system and directing his team to their targets through the use of the building's blue prints. _

_Kaldur and Zatanna had reached the door in record time._

_**Can you unlock the door? **__He had asked, fairly certain she could but not wanting to assume. _

_Zatanna nodded, holding out her hand with the palm facing outward. "_Kcolnu"_**. **__She ordered softly under her breath. The door's lock opened with an audible click, and they were in. _

_Calm grey eyes and nervous blue eyes searched the room, eyeing the various chemicals, powders, and lab equipment. Zatanna shook her head. _

**_How are we supposed to find what we're looking for in all of this? _**_She wondered at Kaldur. _

_He gave her a reassuring smile and nodded at the tables. __**Seek something that appears to be a finished product. I will take this side of the room. You take the other. **_

_The two split up, Kaldur taking the right, Zatanna taking the left. _

_It didn't take long. About halfway down the third table, Kaldur found a box that appeared to be what they were looking for. _

_It was filled to within an inch of the top with small plastic packets of white powder. He reached in and carefully fished one of the bags out. The bag had been folded over twice and stapled to keep it closed. A small sticker with the gang's logo on it had been placed over the staple to dissuade tampering. _

_This had to be what they were after. _

**_Zatanna, I believe I have found it. _**_He thought grimly. He tucked the white packet under his belt, and turned, heading for the door. Zatanna gave no answer. He paused, turning to check on her. She was still searching the left side of the room._

_ She hadn't heard a word he'd thought at her. _

_Adrenalin kicked into the Atlantian's system. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to remain calm, and tried again. __**Zatanna, it is time to leave. **__The magician gave no response. He tried once more. __**Team. Report status. **_

_No response. _

_The psychic link was down. That meant something had happened to M'Gann. Which meant Wally and Artemis had likely been discovered as well. It was definitely time to go. _

_"Zatanna." He whispered as softly as he could. _

_The magician jumped, whipping around to look at him in surprise. He held a finger to his lips, motioning for her to come with his free hand. She hurried to his side, eyes questioning. Once she was close enough, he dropped his voice even quieter, speaking as if he were under water. _

_"The psychic link is disabled." He whispered. "I have the sample we require, it is time we left this place and rejoined our teammates. I fear our friends will soon be discovered." _

_"To late fishboy!" a voice had suddenly yelled. _

_A sharp stabbing pain struck his neck, and blackness had clouded his vision within seconds. He could hear Zatanna shouting a spell, fighting back, but he could see nothing and his strength was fading fast. _

_He swiftly passed into unconsciousness._

* * *

He awoke in a cage, an inhibitor collar around his neck and his friends gathered around him in the small steel cell.

Apparently the gang had been a front for the Riddler, and of course he couldn't allow them to carry back word of his little operation to Batman and the league. So he had summarily sentenced them to death. And that wasn't even the worst part. Riddler was holding the lives of several civilians against their good behavior.

They didn't dare fight back, for fear he'd pass the same sentence on his hostages.

Now the Riddler's henchmen were moving in with guns, and try as he might he couldn't see a way out of this for _any _of them, let alone the whole team, the hostages, or both. He was supposed to be the leader, the one to make sure that everyone got home safe.

Some leader. His entire team was about to be slaughtered…

"I got an idea…" Wally whispered excitedly under his breath.

Kaldur shivered. Hearing those words come out of _Wally's_ mouth, coupled with _that _look was a sure sign that all manner of chaos was about to break loose at the speedster's hand. More than likely with the boy wonder's help.

But, if it bought them time…

The speedster crawled across the floor of the low ceilinged cage to the bars. Reaching through, he covered the tip of one thug's machine gun barrel with his finger. "Could you hold on a sec?" When the confused thug didn't answer, Wally looked past him to the Riddler. "Hey, Mr. Riddler, sir? I got a question."

The Riddler arched an eyebrow. "I'm listening. But _only _as a last request."

Wally nodded, as if this were perfectly acceptable. "Right. Of course. I've got a sort of proposition for ya." The Riddler opened his mouth to comment and Wally hurriedly plowed on ahead. "You're supposed to be a master of riddles right? I mean, there's no riddle you _can't_ solve!"

Riddler preened a little at that.

"More or less." He agreed. Wally's ego stroking seemed to be working, putting him in a more receptive mood to hear the young hero's proposition. "What exactly are you proposing?"

Wally was careful to make himself look humble and downcast. "I'm not asking for the lives of my teammates." He clarified. "Or myself. We'd bring the league down right on top of your little operation and you can't have that. But those hostages didn't do anything. If you blindfold them and drop them off outside the city, they'd never be able to tell the police where you're located."

Riddler was becoming well and truly intrigued now. What was the young speedster getting at? "Go on…"

Wally took a deep breath, as if nervous. "Well, what I'm proposing is this. If I ask you a worthy enough riddle, would you be willing to let the hostages go? They'd be out of your hair and that's five less…bodies, you'd have to deal with once this is all over…"

There was several long moments of silence as the Riddler mulled over Kid Flash's proposition.

Everyone seemed to be holding their breath. Finally, _finally, _the man who had once been known as Edward Nigma seemed to come to a decision.

"Agreed." He answered at last. "If you ask a riddle worthy of my genius… I'll let the hostages go outside Gotham." Giving a delighted laugh, he turned and skipped excitedly back to his makeshift throne. It had been some time since someone had challenged him to answer a riddle! Trying to hide his eagerness, he laid his cane across his knees and leaned forward towards the Flash wannabe.

"Go on! Ask me!"

Wally shot a conspiratorial wink at Robin, disguising it as a worried look at the hostages, then turned his head back to face the Riddler. He chewed his lip for a moment in faux worry, then spoke.

"If you're paddling a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse?"

Again there was a long moment of silence, as thug, hostage, and hero alike starred at the speedster as if he'd lost his mind! Surely Riddler wouldn't stand for such lunacy!

Not perturbed in the least, Riddler cupped his chin thoughtfully. "Interesting…"

Robin suddenly gave an excited exclamation. "Oh! I know what it is!"

Riddler glared at him, cold fury in his eyes. "I'll only tell you once boy wonder, and I'll gag you if I have to. Spoil the answer to this riddle, and I'll make sure a tape of your death makes it onto the evening news where everyone can see."

Robin ducked his head, as if thoroughly chastised. "…yes sir…" he murmured meekly.

Aside from Wally, anyone who knew or had met the boy wonder before now starred at him as if he'd grown a second head. Robin didn't give up! He didn't meekly curl up and accept whatever the bad guys dished out! The wise cracking bird would never say 'yes sir' to a villain and_ mean_ it!

This was surely the fifth sign of the apocalypse!

Robin turned his back to Riddler and his thugs, drawing his knees up close to his chest and resting his chin on them as if dejected. But a wide grin was on his lips, and his eyes danced behind his mask. He'd assured that Riddler was well and truly hooked. It was a matter of honor now!

Robin really didn't know the answer to the riddle, but the Riddler thought he did, and that was all that mattered. If the boy wonder- a mere lad of thirteen, could figure it out, then the Riddler didn't dare fail for fear of looking like a nincompoop!

Wally meanwhile gripped the bars pretending to be worried, as if the Riddler could find the answer at any moment and deem his riddle too easy, thus making it unworthy and dooming the five hostages.

In reality, he couldn't have been more relaxed. In fact he was having to work _really _hard to keep from laughing his butt off. No way was the Riddler answering _this _riddle!

Let the games begin…

* * *

The mentors were frantic.

It had been hours since they'd last heard from their protégés! The emergency trackers had been activated, and showed that the team was still inside the building. But the trackers were stationary, and that was what scared the mentors the most.

None of their kids were moving, and in dangerous lines of work such as theirs, not moving wasn't a good thing.

They burst into the building, ready to fight. But they weren't prepared for the bizarre sight that met their eyes!

The team were all huddled in a small steel cage with a low ceiling, inhibitor collars fastened around their necks. Stationed around them were several guards with machine guns who had apparently fallen asleep on the job. Not all that surprising, hired thugs weren't really known for their brains or stamina most of the time. Off to one side, several bound hostages could be seen sitting on the floor against the wall.

But what really made the scene bizarre was what was currently seated in the center of the room!

The Riddler looked horrible. He was slumped over in a makeshift throne, rubbing his temples obsessively. His cane was cast haphazardly to the floor at his feet amongst several wadded up pieces of yellow lined steno pad paper, with what appeared to be mathematical equations scribbled on them, and three or four broken pencils. His tie was loosened, his green suit rumpled. His skin was pale, his breathing harsh and ragged, and his eyes were wild. The Riddler's hair was in total disarray, and he was rambling to himself under his breath.

Something about canoes and pancakes…

The heroes looked at each other confused. The team had noted their arrival and now came forward to peer through the bars of their cage at them. They didn't appear overly worried. Wally slipped his hands through the bars and gave a lazy wave, grinning from ear to ear.

"Hey Flash! Got anything to eat?"

Flash darted over, searching the thugs pockets at super speed to find the keys. "You kids alright?" he asked as he unlocked the door.

"We are unharmed." Kaldur answered, motioning M'Gann through the open door ahead of him, as was polite. "It is the hostages which concern us. Riddler held them for a much longer period of time than he did us."

"We'll see to them." Black Canary answered, already moving in the direction of the hostages. "But I suggest someone tie up the thugs before they wake up."

"I am astounded that they have not stirred already." Aquaman answered, grabbing a piece of rope and doing as she suggested.

"They won't be doing any kind of stirring for a while." Artemis answered, crawling out of the cage. She turned and helped haul Zatanna out and onto her feet. "Robin and I tranqued them. The putz's never knew what hit them. They'll be out for a couple hours yet."

A quiet click drew their attention to Riddler.

Batman had fastened a pair of Bat- Cuffs around the man's wrists and was retrieving the villian's cane. Not that he seemed to notice. He went right on muttering about dog houses and wheels, looking through them as if they didn't even exist.

Green Arrow snapped his fingers in front of the Riddler's face. No response. "Man…What did you kids do to him?"

"Wally asked him a riddle." Robin answered absentmindedly, his attention absorbed in unlocking the inhibitor collar around Zatanna's neck. On a side note, he added, "Oh yeah, Batman, I managed to hack the computer systems before we were taken down. You were right, the gang was a front for something else."

Batman gave him a pointed look and gestured to the incoherent and somewhat agitated Riddler. "Obviously."

Robin shrugged, not the least bit put out by the dark knight's apparent sarcasm. "Obviously." He agreed. "But at least this way we have solid proof that the Riddler was behind this to give to the police. It'll make their job a lot easier."

Batman nodded, looking to Kaldur. "The rest of your objectives?" He asked.

Kaldur nodded, drawing the plastic baggie of white powder from its hiding place under his belt. "Zatanna and I were able to collect a sample of the product they were manufacturing here."

"And Artemis, Miss M, and I were able to photograph their hard copy records before we got busted." Wally added smugly, slinging an arm around Artemis's shoulders. The emerald archer calmly gave him a sharp jab to the ribs with her elbow, prompting a quick removal of the speedster's arm. Wincing and rubbing his abused ribs, Wally pasted a grin on his face. "All and all, stamp a big fat 'mission accomplished' on this caper and lets all go home. I'm starving!"

"Wait, wait, wait! You mean to tell me you did _this _to the _Riddler, _just by asking him a _riddle_?" Green Arrow exclaimed, gesturing at the incoherent villian.

Wally ginned and nodded. "Yeah! I figured if I gave him a really hard one, it would keep him distracted long enough for us to escape or you guys to get here!"

Robin nodded in agreement. "When I told him I knew the answer, he just had to solve it, or admit that a thirteen year old knew more than he did." He shrugged, casting an amused smile to Batman who was escorting the Riddler out the door to the waiting police. The dark knight had radioed them before the league had gone in, telling them to be ready. "We're gonna have to try this more often, it makes him a whole lot easier to handle! I bet he doesn't break out of Arkham for _months_!"

Flash folded his arms over his chest, fixing his nephew with an amused smile. "Ok. What's this master riddle of yours that stumped the self proclaimed 'King of Conundrums'?"

Wally grinned. "If you're paddling a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a dog house?"

Absolute silence fell.

The league members starred at him, silently wondering when he had gone insane, how they hadn't noticed, and more importantly... how on earth they were going to get a speedster into a straight jacket.

"That is a legitimate riddle?" Martian Manhunter asked.

Wally laughed and nodded. "Yeah, it's a real riddle. My friend Rihana told it to me years ago. I figured if there was one riddle I could ask that he wouldn't be able to solve right off the bat, it would be that one!"

Green Arrow gave Robin a doubtful look. "And you said you _know _the answer to that?"

Robin snorted. "No. I just said I did to get Riddler's goat! I have absolutely _no _idea what the actual answer is."

"The answer is simple…"

All eyes turned to the dark knight, who was standing near the door with the Riddler, the man in the emerald suit still muttering to himself with his eyes downcast to the floor.

The dark knight covered his prisoner's ears with his hands to ensure he didn't hear the answer and come out of whatever mental state he was in.

"The answer," he said. "Is 'none, because ice cream has no bones."

From the way Wally's jaw hit the floor, it was clear the dark knight had given the correct answer. Without another word or backwards glance, Batman calmly turned and guided Riddler from the room. But as he walked down the hall, he couldn't keep a small smile from touching his lips at the memory of their stunned faces.

That small smile only grew when the Flash's voice bounced down the hall after him.

"Ok, if the _Batman's_ flipped his scary, pointy eared wig it is officially time to retire because I am _not _going to be the one to try and put that man in a straight jacket…!"

* * *

Rofl, I had a blast writing this! There will be a part two of sorts coming sooner or later once I whittle down the list of stories I'm currently working on. But for now, hope this tickled your funny bone! And Rihana and Josie, if you ever read this, I hope your proud of what you have wrought!

Review!

Until next time...


	2. If You Have Four Pencils

Here's installment _numero dos! _And due to a sudden influx of new nonsense riddles, there _might_ be more one shot's to come. The trick is coming up with situation to use the riddles in...

Shout outs to: RandomKitty101, Ariyah, Kamil The Awesome, Kekejo99, Mozarts Fantasy, SevenSilences, YouWhelmedYet, Summer's Sunlight, Thee-Cats-Meow (Your answer left my sister and I in stitches we were laughing so hard), Ash-Bookworm113, and Aslgyrl! Cookies to all! (::)

* * *

ENJOY!

* * *

"Get him Kid! He's going that way!"

Wally went into a long skid, trying to turn like Flash told him to. With his mentor still trying to escape the Trickster's 'chewing gum stick', basically a massive puddle of warm sticky chewing gum that stuck people to the pavement, it was up to Wally to catch the villain.

The redheaded speedster snorted. Of all the Rogues, Trickster was by far the oddest.

And by far the hardest to catch.

Ahead of him, Trickster began to laugh, and Wally suddenly found himself very worried. And with good reason. He saw the marbles mere nano-seconds before he was running on them. It wasn't fast enough.

"Woah!"

His feet flew out from underneath him, dumping him out on the pavement. He could hear the Trickster laughing at him, and he ground his teeth in frustration. He'd lost track of how many times Trickster had gotten him with that spilled marbles gag.

Hands suddenly grabbed him under his arms, lifting him up. "Come on Kid." Barry said in his ear, setting the teen on his feet. He grinned at his nephew and partner. "No time to be laying down on the job."

Wally made a face. "Ha, ha. He went that-a-way."

"Well then, we're going that-a-way as well." Barry answered. The two speedsters smirked. "Race you there. Go!"

They were hot on the tail of the Trickster again in moments.

The brightly costumed villain laughed, looking over his shoulder as he ran and aiming a gun at them. Were it any other man, the two heroes would've laughed at the gun. It was a ridiculous looking thing. Shaped like a shotgun, it had a massive fake nose mounted on the end of it, complete with a bushy black mustache. It was the stupidest looking gun either had ever seen.

The blonde maniac fired, discharging a viscous green goo.

The two speedsters swerved, narrowly avoiding the hissing green puddle as it ate into the pavement. Barry gave it a narrow eyed look as they raced past. "Is it just me, or is that mess a little bit stronger than usual?"

Wally nodded. "Can't you smell it? He's upping the strength of his acid. I'll bet it's sulfuric, or maybe hydrochloric. Don't step in it, or else."

Barry laughed, dodging another blast. "Or else what?"

"Or else you'll have to change your name from Flash to Gimpy." Wally answered. The two turned a corner, and Wally whooped. "We got him now, he's cornered!"

Trickster had trapped himself in a short dead end alley. He whirled to face the oncoming speed demons, his long blue cape billowing behind him, and his ever present smile firmly fixed in place.

"You'll never take me alive!" he yelled dramatically, leveling the 'snot gun' at them.

Wally shook his head as the two heroes came to a halt. "Jeeze James, you_ really_ need a haircut."

"I do?" The Trickster frowned, grabbing hold of some of the pink and gold strands of his overgrown hair and pulling them down where he could see. "Yeah, I guess I do at that." He shrugged. "But you know how it is Kid Flash, what with that pretty mop of red you've got there. You walk into a barber shop in a costume and they say no service!"

Barry frowned, startled by the sudden topic change. "What?"

Wally suddenly gave an excited cry and grabbed his uncle's arm. "Hey Flash! Can I ask Trickster a riddle? Please?" The younger speedster was practically vibrating with excitement. "It'll only take a second!"

The Flash starred at his nephew, absolutely dumbfounded. What brought this on?

Wally apparently took his uncle's silence as an affirmative. Clapping his hands like a gleeful child, he returned his attention to the Trickster and took a step towards him. "Ok dude, you ready?"

Trickster grinned, putting up his gun and rubbing his hands in anticipation. "Go for it Kid Flash!"

"Ok…" Wall paused, apparently for dramatic effect. "…are you _really_ listening?"

Again, the Trickster nodded eagerly. "Yeah, yeah, yeah! I'm listening!"

"Ok. If you have four pencils, and I have seven apples, how many pancakes fit on the roof?" The speedster quizzed.

Trickster paced back and forth, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. On his second circuit, he fished in his costume and pulled out a dark brown Sherlock Holmes pipe. It didn't surprise either speedster when bubbles came out of the pipe instead of smoke. He made several more circuits from one side of the alley to the other and back, puffing excitedly on his bubble pipe.

"You give up yet?" Wally asked after the thirteenth round.

Trickster waved him off, still puffing furiously on his pipe. "Not yet, not yet!" he muttered around the stem of his pipe. He paced the width of the alley several more times. After the thirtieth time he made his circuit, he growled and made a frustrated gesture.

"Gah! …I knew it! I knew it just _yesterday_!" he complained.

Flash watched the rogue pace, absolutely lost.

Trickster suddenly gave an ecstatic cry on round number thirty-three. "I got it! I got it!"

Wally laughed. "Well, don't keep it to yourself James. Get out a handful of confetti and tell me already."

To the Flash's amazement, the Trickster actually did it! He reached into his costume, pulled out a handful of confetti and tossed it high up into the air with a delighted laugh. "Purple! Because aliens don't wear hats!"

"Yes! Absolutely correct!" Wally crowed.

Flash watched in utter amazement as his nephew darted forward to slap a high five with the villain they'd been chasing less than ten minutes ago. Said villain had been robbing an arcade called Gerry's Games less than fifteen minutes ago.

The oddness only continued when Wally slung an arm across the rogue's shoulders and deftly relieved him of his 'snot gun', negligently tossing the modified shot gun to Flash.

"Come on James, let's get you back to the hospital…" Wally said, walking the villain right past his red garbed mentor toward the alley's exit. "We'll get you a haircut and a change of clothes, and then we can play Jenga. Or maybe Uno." Wally chattered on.

Trickster nodded. "Sounds good, these clothes need washing anyway. But could we play darts instead?"

Wally laughed and nodded. "Sure James, sure! I almost forgot how much you love darts. But you know the rules, no sharp darts in the hospital."

"Ok, I promise!" Trickster answered, sounding like a happy little child.

Barry shook his head, slowly following after the two. He had no idea what had just happened. And he wasn't even sure he wanted to _ask_!

* * *

"And… here comes the answer!" laughed Green Arrow.

_"Purple! Because aliens don't wear hats!" _The Trickster's voice said over the speakers. The heroes watched with growing amusement as the film of Trickster and Kid Flash played out on the holo-screen in the watchtower.

Barry shook his head.

Somehow, probably due to Wally, Robin had found out about the events of the afternoon. The boy wonder had then gone and hacked into the security systems of the surrounding buildings and checked each one until he'd found the one that had caught the whole event. He'd then sent the footage to both the mountain and the Watchtower.

This would be the sixth time he'd seen these clips.

Wonder Woman arched an eyebrow at the scarlet speedster. "You protégé is certainly on interesting terms with the villains."

Barry sighed, pulling back his cowl. "Tell me about it. I didn't even know he'd _met_ the Trickster yet, let alone that he was on a first name basis with him."

Wonder Woman cocked her head. "Is it wise to allow him to have such a close connection with a known villain?" she asked.

Barry shrugged. "I don't know. If it were any other villain I'd say no, but with Trickster…" he shook his head. "You can never tell. Considering how well the kid took him down today, maybe it's not a half bad idea."

The Amazon didn't look convinced. "We shall see…" she murmured, turning and walking away.

For several long minutes, the speedster remained standing there.

Green Arrow was playing the video yet again, showing it to some newly arrived leaguers who had yet to see it.

_"Purple! Because aliens don't wear hats!" _the recorded voice of the Trickster yelled yet again.

Barry suddenly frowned. A thought had just occurred to him. He made his way at a sedate pace through the crowd of heroes gathered to watch and laugh until he found the one he was looking for.

"Hey Hal, got a minute?"

The sandy haired Green Lantern turned from the screen, a smile on his face. "Sure Barry. What do ya need?"

The speedster stopped. "I've got a question for ya. You've traveled a lot for your job as a Green Lantern, right?"

Hal nodded, wondering where this was going. "Yeah, I guess so… Why?"

Barry nodded. "Oh good, then you should be able to answer this for me." He cocked his head at the other man, genuine curiosity on his face.

"…is it true aliens don't wear hats…?"

* * *

Lol, yep, Barry had to ask...

Review! You will make my sister (author name on now JosieRose) and me _very_ happy!

Until next time...


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